I spent most of the day feeling lost. Filled with doubt, insecurity, and fear, I stumbled from hour to hour wondering, “Am I ever gonna figure this out?” My ongoing and somewhat debilitating mission to find my life’s purpose – to do something I’m passionate about – something that gives back to the world in a meaningful way – on a day-to-day basis – is nothing new. It’s actually something I’ve struggled with for years. But today, for some reason, the fear that I was never going to “figure this out” was more overwhelming than usual.
To add a little irony to the mix, I was asked to present at a meeting today. Yup, be a guest speaker where I was expected to share my insights and experiences. As I reviewed notes preparing for the meeting to start, the contrast between what I was about to do and how I was feeling about myself was comical. To say that I went into today’s presentation feeling like a hack is an understatement; poster boy for Imposter Syndrome would be more like it.
The presentation itself went well. I discovered that my anecdotes resonated with a number of people – and that my words were helpful to some. I was able to walk away from that specific experience feeling like less of an imposter and more like someone who had something helpful to share.
As I watched tonight’s sunset, I was captivated by the intensity of the scene. A ball of orange descending between two mountain ranges. Streaks of light shooting across the desert floor. Caught up in the beauty of it all, I found myself truly living in the moment. There was no thought of today’s feelings – and no consideration for tomorrow’s plan. In that moment, there was no fear. Just peace. Well, peace, and a desire to capture the scene to share it with others.
As I went inside to prepare dinner, the strangest thought occurred to me: maybe, just maybe, my purpose today was to share the peace I found living in the moment with others.